Who's standing in your way? (Maybe it's you?)

Who's standing in your way? (Maybe it's you?)

Who’s really standing in the way of your own growth and change? If you feel that neither you nor anyone else is blocking your path, that you’re completely content with your life and choices, then maybe you don’t need to read this. But you’re warmly welcome to do so anyway.

A space for reflection and real conversation

A few years ago I created a community called Systerskapa! in Swedish which translates to something like ”Sistership” but in Swedish also holds a meaning of being creative.

Each week, we asked a question under the title The Weekly Reflection. The idea was to spark thoughts, feelings, and conversations - within yourself, with people around you, and in the group. We learned from each other, and even though many of us shared similar experiences, every conversation was unique and offered a new perspective or an unthought thought.

Here are a few examples of questions that we asked:

• Do you give too much?

• Who do you want to be?

• Is what you want the same as what you need?

• How do you take care of yourself?

• Is there such a thing as a collective lack of self-confidence?

• How does your self-talk sound?

• Do you put men in your way?

It took some time before the conversations began to flow, which is understandable. A new group raises questions: What are its ambitions? Do I have time for this? Is it a safe space? Do I have the energy?

What really strikes me is that certain things that surface in this group, so clearly confirm why this group - this initiative - was needed.

It became crystal clear that we must unlearn and break many of our old, ingrained patterns if we want anything to change in the world.

Here are some observations from the discussions around those seven questions.

The fear of being vulnerable

There’s a fear of showing vulnerability and opening up - even in a private space with only other women. Even though Systerskapa! was created to be a safe space for honest conversations and self-development, many still hesitate to share personal experiences, thoughts, and feelings. That saddens and puzzles me. What is the real reason to why we don't quite dare to be open, honest, and vulnerable? I know some women have been betrayed or hurt by other women before and of course that makes you wary. Totally understandable. But how can we talk about what’s real and create change if we don’t dare to try again and again?

The difficulty of expressing what feels important

Some say they find difficult to write, to express themselves. But my question to them is why choose silence instead of admitting that it’s difficult and try anyway? “It’s hard for me to express myself in writing, but I’m doing it anyway because what I want to say feels important.”

The weight of guilt

We are overflowing with guilt. Some of us are better than others at taking care of ourselves, without feeling guilty about it. Many of us are 50+, have grown or adult children, and some are single again after one or two marriages. But too many testify that their own well-being or health is far down the priority list - if it’s even on the list at all. And even when we do prioritize ourselves, we almost always pair it with guilt. In the 21'st century...

Our inner dialogues

Our self-talk naturally varies, but one thing seems consistent: it’s rarely kind. That inner voice often says we’re not good enough, not capable enough, not worthy enough…

But here, thankfully, I sense change. Some women are learning to use their self-talk to resist manipulation or power abuse. Others use it as a tool to analyze situations and understand themselves. My own inner dialogue used to be scattered, melancholic, and brooding, but through consistent work I’ve managed to shift it toward being loving, gentle, and focused on what makes me feel good. It’s possible.With meditation and life choices that aren’t always easy, but deeply worth it.

So, what can we learn from this?

We need to practice sharing what holds us back from living the lives we want, from doing what helps us grow, and from daring to break patterns and do things differently. Because we must do things differently if we want things to be different.

We have to dare to challenge ourselves and those around us. To be uncomfortable.To endure tension without rushing to smooth it over. And we need to practice courage. Read more about my view on what courage is in this post.

With a strong sisterhood at your back, it might not be easier, but it is less frightening. We need each other. Because the truth is - we often stand in our own way. Some of us put a man in the way, again and again - but that, too, can change.

Edit October 2025

Sadly enough, the Sistership initiative and community died after some time. For different reasons we couldn’t keep up the pace in the facebook group nor in the live workshops we arranged. I don’t know if it means that my own view of what women needs and want actually isn’t valid or if the energy every participant has to put in just isn’t enough to keep a community going. I will continue to nourish my sisterships because they mean the world to me.

On this blog I hope to add posts about the things that matters in my life and maybe in yours too.

Love 

Madeleine